'I regret marrying an older man - one part of our history has given me the ick'

The term 'age is just a number' is often heard when it comes to relationships with a larger age gap than most. But for one woman, her 16-year age gap with her husband, which didn't seem to matter at the start of their romance, has now caused her to get the 'ick' and regret ever saying 'I do' at the altar.

In a brutally honest post about her relationship with her 43-year-old husband on Reddit, the 27-year-old said: "I am starting to regret my age gap marriage." She first explained how their romance came about: "We met when I was newly turned 22. I didn't realise he was in his late 30's, he honestly looked (and acted) like he was late twenties.

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"When I first met him and he came along and offered security, I jumped on it! I knew it was weird dating a guy so much older, but I've always had a rebellion-ish mindset. I don't know, I thought it was kinda hot, I blame Lana Del Rey and people in my life for not telling me it was a questionable relationship.

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"We married when I was 25 and everything has been pretty alright on paper so I feel bad complaining." She continued: "We're both on the same page with a lot of things, live a pretty comfy life as DINKs [double income, no kids] and are building a solid foundation together. We show affection to each other, though sometimes it feels like he's just a roommate or a parental figure. Our sex life is boring and that's also a big part of it. I know if I divorced him, we'd both be back to where we started financially and I couldn't really afford to live where/how I do. I also don't want to go through the hassle of dating again?

"Anyways, even though I'd say our marriage is like, 80% good and I feel a deep love for him, I also realise now that my frontal lobe is fully developed, I'm growing out of this container of him making all the decisions. I probably wouldn't choose him as a partner if I had met him now.

"Really the core of it all is that I'm carrying this resentful/ick feeling that he pursued me when I was so young. So what if I was mature for my age? I couldn't even imagine dating a 22 year old now and I'm only 27."

She went on to ask: "Has anybody else been in this situation? How did you work through it?"

The post was met with a flurry of supportive comments and views from others who have been in a similar situation. One wrote: "OP, 27 is when I got divorced from my 8-years-older ex (married at 20, he was 28). It’s unequivocally the BEST decision I’ve ever made. My life is mine, I’m so happy now (31)."

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A second penned: "My mom is starting over at 59 and she's happier than I've ever seen her in my life! It's never too late to choose yourself." "Can confirm. Started over at 32. I'm now 40 and getting married again shortly. Happiest I've ever been," a third noted.

Another added: "Completely agree. I 'started over' at 30 and now 6 years later I am the happiest I’ve ever been. Think of it like you 'get to' start over rather than you 'have to' start over, reframing it as a positive thing can really help you look for the opportunities."

One more wrote: "My long term relationship failed when I was 27. Thought it was all over at that point. I laugh when I look back, it was a bit of a silly thought, you have your whole life ahead."

In additional comments from the wife, who originally wrote the post, she added: "Honestly I was just in my late night feelings and wanted to get it off my chest, see if anyone else has successfully worked through not only a change in personalities with their partner, but generational gaps tied into that..

"I thought about deleting this but I think it might help others think through things in their relationships so I'll leave it up. To clarify some things: he wasn't well off when we got married we just built a stable life together. He's changed a lot also, and in a way we influenced each other into the people we are now or maybe we just both had space to let go of past traumas and then accidentally became different people in that process.

"And the ick from the age gap didn't come from social media, it came from me growing up and seeing relationship dynamics more clearly. Lastly, I will talk to him about all this. Its not like we haven't deeply and repeatedly talked about issues before, I just never brought up the age difference because I felt like it was my choice to marry him and in the beginning I told him a million times I was alright with it."